I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
