you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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