He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
