The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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