There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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