So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
