There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
