sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
