just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
