So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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