well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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