M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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