mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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