my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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