please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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