drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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