1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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