just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
