at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
