do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
