i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
