Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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