So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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