there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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