someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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