glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
