New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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