remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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