i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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