Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
