Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
