go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
