so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
