im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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