i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
