if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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