dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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