Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
