I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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