my mouth tastes like poor choices
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
