Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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