I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
