AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
