His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ketchup is God's man juice
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The adults are the big ones right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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