the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
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Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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