i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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