i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
