just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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