You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize