I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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