omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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