I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
