I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
