This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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