I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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