dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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