My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
