It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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