Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
