My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
