He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How naked do you want me to be?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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