I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
