tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
