its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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