he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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