the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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