Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
