Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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