Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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