Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
