You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
