Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
