this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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