when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
