Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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