If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
