Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
