Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
