What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
