There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
