walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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