it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so let's talk penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize