I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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