Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
