My room smells like vodka and shame
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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