You made me cry and you don't even care
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
